the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
