Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
