hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
