The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
