She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
