I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
