I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
