He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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