Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
