I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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