you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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