I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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