Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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