I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
