what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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