9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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