dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
