my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
