he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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