Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
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Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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