Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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