I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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