GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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