So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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