I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
