Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
