I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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