I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
