Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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