1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
