Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
