i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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