If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
