A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize