ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
soo... how was my night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
