the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize