Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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