I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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