I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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