Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
