8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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