Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
