You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
barbara walters just said penis...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
