your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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