My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize