it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
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I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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