Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
