I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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