I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
