So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
