i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
