Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
