i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
