I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
