The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
