I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
