We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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