i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
