I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
