curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
