You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
did you just send me my own nude
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
