The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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