I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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