I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
