I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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