dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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