i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
