So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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