walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize