Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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