Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
