Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
