I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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