dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
